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Welcome to My Mantra blog... what I am passionate about to live my best life!
This weekend I was chatting with a couple people while out and about, listening intently to what they were saying, when I discovered a moment when I was confused by the point of the story. Have you ever been in a situation like that? When you were listening to someone and just couldn’t understand what they meant, maybe something didn’t add up, or you secretly went to a place of almost judgement? Judgement doesn’t always have to be a bad thing, though it’s not my favorite place to sit during a conversation. When I think of judgement, in this situation, I am referring to not understanding another’s point of view, so judging what they are saying instead.
During the discussion I was having with these two people, it was like I was having an out of body experience, watching myself listen and interact with these two people. About halfway into the conversation, I asked a couple questions and just like that my body and mind were free of that heaviness that comes from taking on the responsibility of analyzing and judging someone else. I know this experience has happened to me before, but I was not on the outside looking in, but instead deep in a place of opinion.
The experience I had was so powerful I had to write about it - because it was a life changing moment.
When we speak with others, we tend to half listen and the other half of the time we are judging and/or preparing what we plan to say when the other person is done speaking. There are also those times when two people talk over each other trying to get their point across or are so intent on making a point they forget to listen to the other person. The (lack of) listening game happens in personal and business settings all the time – and keeps many of us from truly engaging, listening and learning about a particular topic, our clients, or what our friends or family might need.
The question… and why it's as important as listening!
One of my favorite sayings in recent years is “speak to be understood and listen to understand”. Living by this approach has allowed me to better explain myself and what I mean or need and keeps me engaged in conversations with others, so I take the most away from a conversation. When you add on the question part of the communication experience it further deepens the connection I have with others.
Asking a question during a conversation allows for more learning and connecting to the person and the topic. When we learn more about a certain subject, we are less likely to judge or fill in our own pieces of information. Asking questions not only satisfies our personal needs but shares with the other person in the conversation that we care about them too. While all this back and forth and deep understanding takes place, we create a better connection, maybe foster deeper relationships, and we free our mind and body of that heaviness of always having the answer!
Asking a question absolutely frees us of always being right or knowing what to say in every situation. That is what I felt during my recent conversation… I felt relaxed, free of judgement, and was empowered with the new information I learned just by asking the questions.
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Cheers, Candice!